Claim Your Own Mental Fitness

12 Competing for Love

12 Competing for Love

When (God’s) love chooses, it chooses with a perfect sensitivity to the unique beauty of the chosen one, and it chooses without making anyone else feel excluded. Henri J. M. Nouwen Competing for love is a concept that probably dates back to prehistoric times when humanoids rightly feared death if they were excluded from their tribes because others won out in the struggle to demonstrate for strength, cleverness or beauty. While our brain evolved, ever-present danger may have helped to wire in the second Toxic Belief, that we have worth only if we compete successfully against others. This belief still […]

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22 Be Assertive to Be Mentally Fit

22 Be Assertive to Be Mentally Fit

This picture shows that somebody wanted to create a unique statement at the beach. He or she thought about what to sculpt and carefully formed this octopus of damp sand. To make it more visible, the sculptor laid out seaweed to contrast with its arms. Now we can readily see this remarkable design. Social skills like assertiveness require this kind of focus, caring and creative problem-solving. You just can’t fill a bucket with sand and dump it out. Your Adult needs to set goals, study what they’ll require and then work with your Child and Parent parts to develop and […]

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20 Over-Personalizing by HSPs and All Humans

20 Over-Personalizing by HSPs and All Humans

Julia Frisbie, Dixie & Rea Elaine Aron, who has defined the Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) trait, has recently sent word to her wide group of subscribers that she’s crowd-funding a video which will help both HSPs and those who know them understand more clearly how this trait affects HSP’s functioning. You can see a preview video “sizzle” online at “Sensitive, the untold story.” One characteristic Aron notes is that HSPs tend to “take things way too personally.” After working with hundreds of HSP clients (and myself) I can certainly vouch for what she says. What I’m calling over-personalizing plagues most […]

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18 Study the Whole Picture of Mental Fitness

18 Study the Whole Picture of Mental Fitness

Way back in my first blog, I described how I bought a sparkly plastic “wand” to help convey to my clients, who were impatient to achieve mental comfort, that it would take time and effort. With the same heartfelt sympathy I must remind my readers that, like physical fitness, mental fitness requires effort in many areas and a life-long commitment. I urged you all to buy my cheap book because you’d need it to benefit fully from my posts. Or you could ask your local library to stock it and see if it might be useful. You could look at […]

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19 Over-Personalizing Ignites Fight-or-Flight

19 Over-Personalizing Ignites Fight-or-Flight

Do you often feel like the only place you can find peace is one like this? The key factor omitted is other humans and all their triggers for fight-or-flight. While it’s wonderful to retreat to such an inspiring spot, peace can be found even when you’re among other people. Your Adult can learn to recognize the main problem, which is another Child Brain Habit. Here’s an example. Janet (all story names are fictional) sought counseling, after she and her husband divorced, for help with her troubled three-year-old son Winston. He had come to her one morning and sadly commented, “I’m […]

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17 The FORMULA for Social Comfort

17 The FORMULA for Social Comfort

It’s exciting to have so many people take an interest in my blogs! One comment particularly tugged at my heartstrings. The writer told how disappointed she felt as she read my blogs about my struggle as an HSP. She’d hoped I would be more functional than that, I gathered.  First, let me say that her feelings are echoed by many people who deal with others whose brains are different from theirs. In my book, Part II, chapter 1, I begin my discussion of emotional problems with a chapter on these different people.  Its 25 references give the reader much more […]

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