Claim Your Own Mental Fitness

Too Special to Thrive

“Entitled generation: owed certain rights and benefits without further justification” Dictionary .com The definition above refers to the group of people born between 1979 and 1994. For us pre-baby-boomers, the word “spoiled” comes to mind. And for critics of Mr.(Fred) Rogers’ soothing programs for young kids, the key word is “special.” These terms are all used to describe people who are just too special to thrive, leaving the rest of us to take care of them indefinitely. In mental fitness terms, their Indulgent Parent allows their Child too much freedom. As noted in the previous blog on the ninth toxic […]

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12 Competing for Love

12 Competing for Love

When (God’s) love chooses, it chooses with a perfect sensitivity to the unique beauty of the chosen one, and it chooses without making anyone else feel excluded. Henri J. M. Nouwen Competing for love is a concept that probably dates back to prehistoric times when humanoids rightly feared death if they were excluded from their tribes because others won out in the struggle to demonstrate for strength, cleverness or beauty. While our brain evolved, ever-present danger may have helped to wire in the second Toxic Belief, that we have worth only if we compete successfully against others. This belief still […]

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11 Wise Support for Your Adult

11 Wise Support for Your Adult

Ask, and it will be given you; seek and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. Matthew 7:7 The scaffold described in the previous Exploring the MF FORMULA blog #25 demonstrates how much your Adult is responsible for managing, both for your inner and outer worlds. Your pre-frontal cortex, where it resides, isn’t that big. Your Child and Parent parts can easily overwhelm it with fight-or-flight chemicals. Do consider reading my book, if you haven’t. It offers a step-by-step approach to this material that makes it easier to begin using. Without that background the scaffold may […]

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22 Be Assertive to Be Mentally Fit

22 Be Assertive to Be Mentally Fit

This picture shows that somebody wanted to create a unique statement at the beach. He or she thought about what to sculpt and carefully formed this octopus of damp sand. To make it more visible, the sculptor laid out seaweed to contrast with its arms. Now we can readily see this remarkable design. Social skills like assertiveness require this kind of focus, caring and creative problem-solving. You just can’t fill a bucket with sand and dump it out. Your Adult needs to set goals, study what they’ll require and then work with your Child and Parent parts to develop and […]

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21 Set Up by Your Indulgent Parent

21 Set Up by Your Indulgent Parent

A see-saw of self-indulgence  and self-punishment happens when you’re set up by your Indulgent Parent (IP). Your Critical Parent (CP) keeps you on a short leash so you can’t get into trouble, scolding your Child each time you fail to measure up to one of the six toxic beliefs your CP holds. Your Indulgent Parent soothes your child into a false sense of security as it supports the next six toxic beliefs. This whole process is explained in my book, Part I, Chapter 4. Let’s take the example of procrastination, the ninth toxic belief, that it’s more comfortable to avoid […]

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7-s Mental Fitness Promotes Compassion

7-s Mental Fitness Promotes Compassion

If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion. Dalai Lama     XIV, The Art of Happiness   The Dalai Lama has had to leave his homeland, while it is under siege by China, to protect himself from assassination. He certainly knows and loves the people there, who look to him for spiritual guidance and are greatly at risk because they follow the beliefs he teaches. Yet I don’t recall seeing a picture of him without a radiant smile. Christians are also taught to have compassion as they offer love to each […]

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20 Over-Personalizing by HSPs and All Humans

20 Over-Personalizing by HSPs and All Humans

Julia Frisbie, Dixie & Rea Elaine Aron, who has defined the Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) trait, has recently sent word to her wide group of subscribers that she’s crowd-funding a video which will help both HSPs and those who know them understand more clearly how this trait affects HSP’s functioning. You can see a preview video “sizzle” online at “Sensitive, the untold story.” One characteristic Aron notes is that HSPs tend to “take things way too personally.” After working with hundreds of HSP clients (and myself) I can certainly vouch for what she says. What I’m calling over-personalizing plagues most […]

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18 Study the Whole Picture of Mental Fitness

18 Study the Whole Picture of Mental Fitness

Way back in my first blog, I described how I bought a sparkly plastic “wand” to help convey to my clients, who were impatient to achieve mental comfort, that it would take time and effort. With the same heartfelt sympathy I must remind my readers that, like physical fitness, mental fitness requires effort in many areas and a life-long commitment. I urged you all to buy my cheap book because you’d need it to benefit fully from my posts. Or you could ask your local library to stock it and see if it might be useful. You could look at […]

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6-sToxic Beliefs Block Your Joy

6-sToxic Beliefs Block Your Joy

“Judge not, that you be not judged.” “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” “You shall love your neighbor as you love yourself.”  Matthew 7:1, 5:44, 22:39 Here Jesus, speaking to his apostles in the Bible, gives them these rules for coping with others. In the past fifty years behavioral scientists have, most often without realizing it, identified the problems caused when people don’t follow these rules. The first three toxic beliefs trigger us into fight-or-flight, creating emotional distress, impairment of our Adult’s ability to manage things and impulsive reactions which create barriers between us and others. […]

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14 The Golden Rule & Belief #3

14 The Golden Rule & Belief #3

Feliciana Netamba cares for her two children at their home in the Cacilhas village near Huambo, Agola, where the MENTOR Initiative is working to help control Malaria. Photo by Mike DuBose, United Methodist News Svc. See inm@greaternw.org for details. So whatever you wish that men would do to you, do so to them; for this is the law and the prophets. Matthew 7:12 The Golden Rule, also called the ethic of reciprocity (see Wikipedia), has been embraced widely among religions and cultures throughout history. I think this came about as follows. At some point in evolution our uniquely human pre-frontal […]

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