Claim Your Own Mental Fitness

Too Clever to Care

You can be too special to thrive, if the eleventh toxic belief quietly liberates your Child. You can be too clever to care, if the twelfth belief incites your Child to action. Belief # 12, that if you’re more clever than most people, it’s okay to find shortcuts around the frustrating rules in our society, can lead you to act without conscience. The rules of our communities are carefully developed to protect the rights and safety of all members. When you realize you’ve chosen not to follow one of these rules, your Adult should rein in your Child’s self-focused behavior, […]

Read more

14 Letting Go for the New Year, Part 1

Letting Go for the New Year, Part 1 I’m in favor of simplifying, even over-simplifying, in the service of getting a handle on things. The FORMULA is an example of this. Looking forward, I’ve focused my self-observation on how “letting go in the New Year” can happen in a big-picture way for me. In fact, as I think about this, I realize that I’ve been forced to let go over and over in my life. I seem to embrace the letting go strategy only as a last resort. This is both good and bad. I might gain character as I […]

Read more

Too Special to Thrive

“Entitled generation: owed certain rights and benefits without further justification” Dictionary .com The definition above refers to the group of people born between 1979 and 1994. For us pre-baby-boomers, the word “spoiled” comes to mind. And for critics of Mr.(Fred) Rogers’ soothing programs for young kids, the key word is “special.” These terms are all used to describe people who are just too special to thrive, leaving the rest of us to take care of them indefinitely. In mental fitness terms, their Indulgent Parent allows their Child too much freedom. As noted in the previous blog on the ninth toxic […]

Read more

26 Know Your Indulgent Parent

26 Know Your Indulgent Parent

A penny saved is a penny earned. Until now most blogs here have focused on your Critical Parent and the Toxic Beliefs that it holds. You must also get to know your Indulgent Parent, or suffer long-term consequences. Blog 21 described the see-saw mood swings you can experience if your Adult doesn’t balance these two Parent influences. Blog 22 refers to the most pervasive Indulgent Parent Toxic Belief, #9, that it’s more comfortable to avoid problems and responsibilities than to face them. To know your Indulgent Parent, you must gain deeper insight into your Child and how it takes control […]

Read more

12 Competing for Love

12 Competing for Love

When (God’s) love chooses, it chooses with a perfect sensitivity to the unique beauty of the chosen one, and it chooses without making anyone else feel excluded. Henri J. M. Nouwen Competing for love is a concept that probably dates back to prehistoric times when humanoids rightly feared death if they were excluded from their tribes because others won out in the struggle to demonstrate for strength, cleverness or beauty. While our brain evolved, ever-present danger may have helped to wire in the second Toxic Belief, that we have worth only if we compete successfully against others. This belief still […]

Read more

25 Put Your Mental Fitness House in Order

25 Put Your Mental Fitness House in Order

Sorting out your house for spring? Here’s how to put your mental fitness house in order. No fancy brain labels, just a scaffold to hang things on for ready access. This scaffold provides an overly brief description, but one that is easy to review and build upon. Referring to the previous blog, you could say that this scaffold forms the lantern for your candle. Let’s take each part from the top down. Whole Brain: includes everything above “Interpersonal Relating.” Child: activities listed below calm your child, drawing it out of fight-or-flight. Arrows denote how input from your Adult and Parent […]

Read more

24 Mrs. Fixit Lights Her Candle

24 Mrs. Fixit Lights Her Candle

All it takes is a point of light, a ray of hope in the darkest night… Randy Travis Do you ever have moments when you get what seems like a great idea, but later you reconsider and decide you’d be crazy to try to do that? Here I am to show you what crazy looks like! I put this costume together when my son was six and we were going to a Halloween costume party. I sewed him the clown costume he wanted and designed my Mrs. Fixit trappings to express the longing I had to find full-time work as […]

Read more

22 Be Assertive to Be Mentally Fit

22 Be Assertive to Be Mentally Fit

This picture shows that somebody wanted to create a unique statement at the beach. He or she thought about what to sculpt and carefully formed this octopus of damp sand. To make it more visible, the sculptor laid out seaweed to contrast with its arms. Now we can readily see this remarkable design. Social skills like assertiveness require this kind of focus, caring and creative problem-solving. You just can’t fill a bucket with sand and dump it out. Your Adult needs to set goals, study what they’ll require and then work with your Child and Parent parts to develop and […]

Read more

21 Set Up by Your Indulgent Parent

21 Set Up by Your Indulgent Parent

A see-saw of self-indulgence  and self-punishment happens when you’re set up by your Indulgent Parent (IP). Your Critical Parent (CP) keeps you on a short leash so you can’t get into trouble, scolding your Child each time you fail to measure up to one of the six toxic beliefs your CP holds. Your Indulgent Parent soothes your child into a false sense of security as it supports the next six toxic beliefs. This whole process is explained in my book, Part I, Chapter 4. Let’s take the example of procrastination, the ninth toxic belief, that it’s more comfortable to avoid […]

Read more

3-s Hot Enthusiasm and Cold Clarity

3-s Hot Enthusiasm and Cold Clarity

“Ask, and it will be given you; search, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened for you.” Jesus, speaking in Matthew 7: 7-8 All this talk about courage, serenity, discipline and perseverance can give many of us a headache and a nagging sense of guilt. As noted in the Mental Fitness Formula blogs, practicing the FORMULA I describe helps develop your ability to express these necessary traits. Some people have the gift of symptoms that prod them to practice and build their Adults and Wise Parents. I fought panic attacks and insomnia, definite motivators. But once […]

Read more
Follow

Get every new post on this blog delivered to your Inbox.

Join other followers: