Claim Your Own Mental Fitness

Too Clever to Care

You can be too special to thrive, if the eleventh toxic belief quietly liberates your Child. You can be too clever to care, if the twelfth belief incites your Child to action. Belief # 12, that if you’re more clever than most people, it’s okay to find shortcuts around the frustrating rules in our society, can lead you to act without conscience. The rules of our communities are carefully developed to protect the rights and safety of all members. When you realize you’ve chosen not to follow one of these rules, your Adult should rein in your Child’s self-focused behavior, […]

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12 Competing for Love

12 Competing for Love

When (God’s) love chooses, it chooses with a perfect sensitivity to the unique beauty of the chosen one, and it chooses without making anyone else feel excluded. Henri J. M. Nouwen Competing for love is a concept that probably dates back to prehistoric times when humanoids rightly feared death if they were excluded from their tribes because others won out in the struggle to demonstrate for strength, cleverness or beauty. While our brain evolved, ever-present danger may have helped to wire in the second Toxic Belief, that we have worth only if we compete successfully against others. This belief still […]

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11 Wise Support for Your Adult

11 Wise Support for Your Adult

Ask, and it will be given you; seek and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. Matthew 7:7 The scaffold described in the previous Exploring the MF FORMULA blog #25 demonstrates how much your Adult is responsible for managing, both for your inner and outer worlds. Your pre-frontal cortex, where it resides, isn’t that big. Your Child and Parent parts can easily overwhelm it with fight-or-flight chemicals. Do consider reading my book, if you haven’t. It offers a step-by-step approach to this material that makes it easier to begin using. Without that background the scaffold may […]

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21 Set Up by Your Indulgent Parent

21 Set Up by Your Indulgent Parent

A see-saw of self-indulgence  and self-punishment happens when you’re set up by your Indulgent Parent (IP). Your Critical Parent (CP) keeps you on a short leash so you can’t get into trouble, scolding your Child each time you fail to measure up to one of the six toxic beliefs your CP holds. Your Indulgent Parent soothes your child into a false sense of security as it supports the next six toxic beliefs. This whole process is explained in my book, Part I, Chapter 4. Let’s take the example of procrastination, the ninth toxic belief, that it’s more comfortable to avoid […]

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20 Over-Personalizing by HSPs and All Humans

20 Over-Personalizing by HSPs and All Humans

Julia Frisbie, Dixie & Rea Elaine Aron, who has defined the Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) trait, has recently sent word to her wide group of subscribers that she’s crowd-funding a video which will help both HSPs and those who know them understand more clearly how this trait affects HSP’s functioning. You can see a preview video “sizzle” online at “Sensitive, the untold story.” One characteristic Aron notes is that HSPs tend to “take things way too personally.” After working with hundreds of HSP clients (and myself) I can certainly vouch for what she says. What I’m calling over-personalizing plagues most […]

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18 Study the Whole Picture of Mental Fitness

18 Study the Whole Picture of Mental Fitness

Way back in my first blog, I described how I bought a sparkly plastic “wand” to help convey to my clients, who were impatient to achieve mental comfort, that it would take time and effort. With the same heartfelt sympathy I must remind my readers that, like physical fitness, mental fitness requires effort in many areas and a life-long commitment. I urged you all to buy my cheap book because you’d need it to benefit fully from my posts. Or you could ask your local library to stock it and see if it might be useful. You could look at […]

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6-sToxic Beliefs Block Your Joy

6-sToxic Beliefs Block Your Joy

“Judge not, that you be not judged.” “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” “You shall love your neighbor as you love yourself.”  Matthew 7:1, 5:44, 22:39 Here Jesus, speaking to his apostles in the Bible, gives them these rules for coping with others. In the past fifty years behavioral scientists have, most often without realizing it, identified the problems caused when people don’t follow these rules. The first three toxic beliefs trigger us into fight-or-flight, creating emotional distress, impairment of our Adult’s ability to manage things and impulsive reactions which create barriers between us and others. […]

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19 Over-Personalizing Ignites Fight-or-Flight

19 Over-Personalizing Ignites Fight-or-Flight

Do you often feel like the only place you can find peace is one like this? The key factor omitted is other humans and all their triggers for fight-or-flight. While it’s wonderful to retreat to such an inspiring spot, peace can be found even when you’re among other people. Your Adult can learn to recognize the main problem, which is another Child Brain Habit. Here’s an example. Janet (all story names are fictional) sought counseling, after she and her husband divorced, for help with her troubled three-year-old son Winston. He had come to her one morning and sadly commented, “I’m […]

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17 The FORMULA for Social Comfort

17 The FORMULA for Social Comfort

It’s exciting to have so many people take an interest in my blogs! One comment particularly tugged at my heartstrings. The writer told how disappointed she felt as she read my blogs about my struggle as an HSP. She’d hoped I would be more functional than that, I gathered.  First, let me say that her feelings are echoed by many people who deal with others whose brains are different from theirs. In my book, Part II, chapter 1, I begin my discussion of emotional problems with a chapter on these different people.  Its 25 references give the reader much more […]

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2-s The Serenity Prayer and Your Wise Parent

2-s The Serenity Prayer and Your Wise Parent

God grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can And the wisdom to know the difference. Reinhold Niebuhr As you use the mental fitness formula to revise toxic beliefs that keep you from serenity, it’s important to put in their place new beliefs that nourish and support you. I’ve called this place your Wise Parent, neither too critical nor too indulgent. Part II, Chapter 7 of my book encourages you to seek wisdom from others who have tried to make their lives positive and meaningful. Every human culture has […]

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