Claim Your Own Mental Fitness

Letting Go for the New Year, Part 2

…with the eyes of your heart enlightened, you may know…what is the immeasurable greatness of his power for us who believe… Ephesians 1:18-19 Letting go for Christians involves the eyes of our hearts enlightened. I believe that mental fitness can allow us to find the enlightenment in this. The Adult observing eye, well-connected with the inner being (“heart”) inside, can search for ways to decide how to approach the belief in a powerful God. First we must process through to resolution our grief over being human. This basic work of mental fitness results in a state of acceptance that includes […]

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Too Clever to Care

You can be too special to thrive, if the eleventh toxic belief quietly liberates your Child. You can be too clever to care, if the twelfth belief incites your Child to action. Belief # 12, that if you’re more clever than most people, it’s okay to find shortcuts around the frustrating rules in our society, can lead you to act without conscience. The rules of our communities are carefully developed to protect the rights and safety of all members. When you realize you’ve chosen not to follow one of these rules, your Adult should rein in your Child’s self-focused behavior, […]

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Too Special to Thrive

“Entitled generation: owed certain rights and benefits without further justification” Dictionary .com The definition above refers to the group of people born between 1979 and 1994. For us pre-baby-boomers, the word “spoiled” comes to mind. And for critics of Mr.(Fred) Rogers’ soothing programs for young kids, the key word is “special.” These terms are all used to describe people who are just too special to thrive, leaving the rest of us to take care of them indefinitely. In mental fitness terms, their Indulgent Parent allows their Child too much freedom. As noted in the previous blog on the ninth toxic […]

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26 Know Your Indulgent Parent

26 Know Your Indulgent Parent

A penny saved is a penny earned. Until now most blogs here have focused on your Critical Parent and the Toxic Beliefs that it holds. You must also get to know your Indulgent Parent, or suffer long-term consequences. Blog 21 described the see-saw mood swings you can experience if your Adult doesn’t balance these two Parent influences. Blog 22 refers to the most pervasive Indulgent Parent Toxic Belief, #9, that it’s more comfortable to avoid problems and responsibilities than to face them. To know your Indulgent Parent, you must gain deeper insight into your Child and how it takes control […]

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12 Competing for Love

12 Competing for Love

When (God’s) love chooses, it chooses with a perfect sensitivity to the unique beauty of the chosen one, and it chooses without making anyone else feel excluded. Henri J. M. Nouwen Competing for love is a concept that probably dates back to prehistoric times when humanoids rightly feared death if they were excluded from their tribes because others won out in the struggle to demonstrate for strength, cleverness or beauty. While our brain evolved, ever-present danger may have helped to wire in the second Toxic Belief, that we have worth only if we compete successfully against others. This belief still […]

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25 Put Your Mental Fitness House in Order

25 Put Your Mental Fitness House in Order

Sorting out your house for spring? Here’s how to put your mental fitness house in order. No fancy brain labels, just a scaffold to hang things on for ready access. This scaffold provides an overly brief description, but one that is easy to review and build upon. Referring to the previous blog, you could say that this scaffold forms the lantern for your candle. Let’s take each part from the top down. Whole Brain: includes everything above “Interpersonal Relating.” Child: activities listed below calm your child, drawing it out of fight-or-flight. Arrows denote how input from your Adult and Parent […]

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24 A Lantern for Your Candle

24 A Lantern for Your Candle

“When you see what’s wrong and you try to make it right, you will be a point of light.” Randy Travis This line from Randy Travis always brings me to tears. But wishing don’t make it so. First you must construct a lantern for your candle. This spark of inspiration and faith in yourself, like all fire, needs containment and guidance to become Travis’ point of light. Mrs. Fixit would say that the candle represents the unique set of skills and talents you have to fuel this light and your Adult must experiment with how to keep it lit. The […]

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24 Mrs. Fixit Lights Her Candle

24 Mrs. Fixit Lights Her Candle

All it takes is a point of light, a ray of hope in the darkest night… Randy Travis Do you ever have moments when you get what seems like a great idea, but later you reconsider and decide you’d be crazy to try to do that? Here I am to show you what crazy looks like! I put this costume together when my son was six and we were going to a Halloween costume party. I sewed him the clown costume he wanted and designed my Mrs. Fixit trappings to express the longing I had to find full-time work as […]

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23 Compassion and Assertiveness for the Pop-Bead Puppy

23 Compassion and Assertiveness for the Pop-Bead Puppy

The deepest principle of human nature is the craving to be appreciated. From the Dale Carnegie Course, 1976 Here’s a new take on compassion and assertiveness for the coming year! For a stronger Adult, a wiser Wise Parent and a more secure Child, consider the story of “Compassion, Assertiveness and the Pop-Bead Puppy.” As I sat feeling exhausted in my doctor’s sunny waiting room, an older man holding a string of gold-colored pop-beads came over to me. He said “I want to give you something.” I was touched by his kind, gentle manner and invited him to sit next to […]

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22 Be Assertive to Be Mentally Fit

22 Be Assertive to Be Mentally Fit

This picture shows that somebody wanted to create a unique statement at the beach. He or she thought about what to sculpt and carefully formed this octopus of damp sand. To make it more visible, the sculptor laid out seaweed to contrast with its arms. Now we can readily see this remarkable design. Social skills like assertiveness require this kind of focus, caring and creative problem-solving. You just can’t fill a bucket with sand and dump it out. Your Adult needs to set goals, study what they’ll require and then work with your Child and Parent parts to develop and […]

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